A Letter to Parenting

Dear Parenting:

It’s not me. It’s most definitely you. No one really explains you before we meet up. We’re given advice, opinions, books (upon books) to read and some truly terrifying warnings. But nothing really prepares us for how deeply you change us. You arrive in what feels like the most abrupt right swipe (even though we’ve been prepping for 9-ish months), reshape our priorities, who we are and our understanding of love.

You are beautiful, exhausting, and the most humbling. You work us in ways that we didn’t know were possible and you constantly ask us to show up even when we are tired, unsure of ourselves, or overwhelmed. You bring so many moments of joy and fulfillment. But those are VERY closely followed by doubt, guilt, and the constant: Am I Doing This Right?

You have a weird way of waking up parts of us that we don’t realize are within us: the hurt, the old wounds that pop up in the middle of bedtime, power struggles, and man-oh-man… the meltdowns. You hold up a mirror to our childhoods – the things we received, the things we missed, what we are determined to do different with our kids. All of that feels kinda heavy.

You come in so loud – with everyone’s opinions – what we should do, what we’re doing wrong. Then pops up the comparison gene that every parent has. It tends to happen when we’re already feeling vulnerable. We measure ourselves against everyone else’s highlight reels and wonder why it feels so hard for us, when it looks so easy for others.

But truthfully, what you’re teaching us is: good parenting isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being there, in the present. It’s about repairing after we make mistakes, learning alongside our kids and showing them that feelings are safe… even the messy, yucky ones. It’s about showing them what it looks like to make mistakes and take responsibility for them.

You remind us that boundaries are not failing at love. That they are expressions of it, instead. Parenting reminds us that consistency matters more than intensity and the connection comes first. And that sometimes, the hardest, yet bravest, thing we can do is stop, take a breath and respond instead of reacting.

You teach us that we don’t have to have all of the answers to all of the “why” questions. Our kids don’t need perfect parents. They just need regulated, willing ones. Parenting teaches us that growth is possible at every age and that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.

So, Parenting, we are going to try to be gentler with ourselves and release the idea that we have to get it right, 100% of the time. We will remember that love shows up in a thousand small ways – listening, showing up after a hard time, in choosing to connect with our kids, when it would definitely be easier to shut down.

We will keep learning, unlearning, and retrying again and again. We will trust that doing our best doesn’t mean doing it all, perfectly. Doing our best means doing what we can with the tools that we have in our parenting toolkit.

Sincerely,

Everyone raising kids while still learning how to care for themselves